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The Buckey Zoo

I think we should close every Zoo in America. Why? Not because I'm some hippy bastard that thinks animals deserve to be free. I just think if I wanted to see an animal, I'd go in my back yard and watch the groundhog that keeps eating the neighborhood dogs.

A Zoo is just another money trap for me. And I hate spending money. A day at the Zoo includes the $20 per person to get in, the outrageous amount they charge for food, and a lot of walking. If I go somewhere to see animals caged up for my convenience, I don't think I should have walk to them, they should walk to me.

I think we should close the Zoo's and take all the animals that are in captivity and put them in the Buckey Zoo. It'll be a nice little facility located in an Arizona desert. Not sure which desert? Here's a map illustrating where the Zoo will be located.

Right there. See it? Of course you don't, because it's being melted by an atomic bomb. As well it should be.

It's not that I hate animals, but I'm sure we've got a few a-bombs laying around, and since we're not using them to bust some skulls in the Middle East so we can pay $0.76 a gallon for gas, we might as well do something cool like melt pandas.