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You Suck, and Here's Why...

I've had lost of built up tension for tons of different types of people latley... and here's why...

Canadians - You think you're all high and mighty just because you haven't fought in a war in 103 years, since you "helped out" your buddies in the UK fighting the ever so popular Boer War. Way to go Canada, beat the hell out of a couple South African nations... that'll prove to the world you're not a bunch of wimps. What happened after you spanked South Africa? Nothing. You haven't fought in a war.Hell, you haven't even harbored any terrorists. Don't get me on Hockey, or Quebec, or Ice Fishing, or the French language. Wait, that leads me to my next point...

The French - God, do I hate the French. First you won't help us "find weapons of mass destruction," and now you want Lance Armstrong to be tested for 'roids because he has more balls than you. Here's an idea, if you're not going to help out, why don't you just sit down and shut up? OUI OUI.

Minnesota - It's not a person, but it contains a group of people that should probably all catch on fire and never be heard from again. If you've read this site for any period of time you know that Minnesota is the Devil's land... the very cold Devil's land. I guess you can see Canadians also for this... tons of ice fishing. Great idea, lets go sit on a frozen lake all day. Brilliant. Oh, drive your car on there? Hell yeah, even better idea. But I've got a better idea. Lets get all Minnesotans on Lake Mille Lacs in the middle of February when it's frozen, and make them stay there until the ice thaws. Great plan, great plan.

Anyone with a Lexus - Every time you drive your Lexus in to your new employee of the month parking spot, right next to the CEO's Hummer, the Baby Jesus cries.

Oprah Fans - Scum of the Earth, no arguing there. You spend your afternoons glued to Oprah's every last word, like she truly were God. Tom Cruise jumps on a couch, she claps. Jennifer Aniston gets hammered on the set, she comforts her. You people just eat it all up. Little do you know that this is all in the grand scheme of things. One day Oprah will take over the world, and there's me, telling you "I told you so," while Stedman is nailing me with the whip. Tools.

Melinda Lou Thomas - Some of you may not know who this person is, but the rest of the world sees her as a fraud. Her dad, Dave Thomas, named the Wendy's fast food chain after her. I call her a fake, her name's not Wendy. Next time, Melinda, stop trying to be so cool and just change your name to appease your dad. By the way, I hate you, you're the reason fat people exist. Tramp.

Joe Paterno - For ruining my shit last weekend.