New Years Drinking, Promiscuous Sex OK

December 31st is the one day of the year when you're expected to drink twice your weight in beer. And what goes better with massive amounts of drinking and shit-face-ery, than promiscuous sex with the neighbor girl, the waitress from TGIFriday's, your ex-girlfriend's best friend, and someone you just met 5 minutes ago in the bathroom?

When Samuel Adams invented New Years Eve in 1925, shortly after the wheel was invented, Sam envisioned perfect 110 pound blondes doing keg stands while being showered with ice cold water all over their see through white t-shirts. Today, Samuel's visions for the future have come true. Tomorrow night, billions of people around the world will get so smashed that Dick Clark will be bearable, the waitress from TGIFriday's will actually be hot, your best friend David won't seem as annoying, and Bush's plan for war on Christmas might not be that odd sounding.

So while you're tapping you're second keg of the night, take a moment and think about the hard work our forefathers did to make this night possible. Hold your red plastic cup up high and say, "thanks Sam for inventing New Years Eve, and white t-shirts, and blondes, and SportsCenter, and Angelina Jolie... and cheers to your half brother Jose Cuervo." Happy New Year, Get Drunk.